A tribute to the Petite

when younger, I used to have -among others- an imaginary crunch on Cristina Ricci.

She and I used to gamble everywhere, from dirty motels using curtains in vinyle as condoms, to special bars for blind people -
where I could play snooker on her harmonious body -

Time went by, as it does always. As it took me more time than expected to increase my personal fortune,
the Belle went naturally away, being now a Hollywood star and I being a simple beggar.

But her booming charm remained in me, and part of my panties still have the smell associated with our delured gestures.
I put them under a glass globe, close to my pre teen balls

Later that moment, I was thinking. cristina ricci is really a petite. She is a dwarf actress in a world of plastic-
re-made silicon women, with glue breast, and pig-derived bones.
And still, she is respected and admired
and plenty of billdoes keep soiling bed sheet thinking of her whores
and she is classy

a tribute to John Love-Self

Dear Mr. Martin Amis,

It is with infinite Pain and Regret that we announce to you the tragic Disappearance of Sir John Love-Self.

The funeral, under strictest family intimacy, is to take place at the Basilic of Dieppe, France, on January the 20^th, 2010. The Ceremony will start with the digestion of fine Oysters and Sauced Saint Jacques, according to the will of the late. Then, the holy sepulture will be buried in front of the Sea, to allow, say the Dead, to "permanently contemplate the Brit Stupidity from the Continent, without suffering from the Fog.”

Sir John Love-Self was sentenced to Death by his Publishers, after their Good moral Authority realized that he was confusing post-modernism as a literary movement with

making a Party at the Expense of his Readers. His last action of asking directly money to his readers in his last Avenger-series novel, in order that he could write the end, was perceived as an afront by the Tax authority.

Furthermore, some bank accounts found in the Caiman Islands and some scripts seized at the House of Sir John-Self revealed that he was blackmailing his peer community

on the Campuses of Oxford and Cambridge. With the open intent of revealing embarrassing material such as pictures or e-mails referring to extra-marital affairs, he was collecting favorable opinions from university relatives to be then published.

Furthermore, John Love-Self, though being convicted of a superior IQ Level, hardly wrote his novels. The Police found in his Basement a separate flat, where highly educated Pakis were compelled to write stories on old Remington typing machines. The lack of communications to the Outside and the fact that they were wearing paper clothes tagged "Love-Myself" or "Viva Goulag" made clear to the Police that they were working as slaves. We need extra caution with this last piece of news, as the Pakistan Government issued lately a favorable opinion to buy en masse paper Clothes from the UK. So, we kindly ask you not to reveal it.

Sir John Love-Self died with all honors; under the special request of Princess Victoria, he was allowed to choose his manner of death, in simplicity and dignity.

So, he requested to enjoy the complete inventory of cocaine seized by Customs last Year and made a 14-hour overdose party of the 6 tons of drugs delivered in his cell. The penitentiary administration congratulated his perfect hygiene and cleanliness, as Sir John-Self repainted the walls in white, adding comments such as "White is good,” “KKK," or "Say No to Fathers".

To pay back his numerous debtors across the world, the sentence was broadcasted on TV under the title "Dr Gross, MD".

In memory of his special sense of humor, the detention cell has been canonized as "MA Cell".

Sir John Love-Myself’s legacy to Literature is quite impressive : a vintage Universalis encyclopedia collection back to 1979 and signed by Margaret Thatcher, a complete erotic magazine collection -including accessories- named "Martin Waxmis, smooky eye". Without mentioning his bills issued to various English Universities through his consulting company "5K pounds an hour".

Houses, cars, and other properties have been left to various famous Caritas like "Be a Good Girl". Debtors approved his final generosity.